There is perhaps no time in your life when communication skills are as important as when you have your first baby. You and your spouse will need to discuss new roles and responsibilities. You and your boss will need to plan your return to work and changes you might need to put in place in order to balance work and home. And, most new moms are familiar with tricky discussions with parents, in-laws and other family members who might be a tad bit too opinionated and tad bit too disrespectful of the boundaries your new family needs.
Communication skills are best discussed with an example. We all have heard about moms or mother-in-laws who pop by any time, without calling first, to see their Princess Grandbaby. After a few times of being caught with spit-up all over your shirt, poop up the back of your baby’s sleeper, unwashed hair, and dirty dishes in the sick, you’ve had enough. Well, here are two communication styles to avoid when trying to solve this problem:
Don’t communicate passively. Example: “Don’t worry Mom. You just drop by anytime you want to see the baby. I don’t mind”. With passive communication, your mom will feel happy and get what she needs (visits with her precious one), but your own needs will be thrown out with the dirty diapers!
Don’t communicate aggressively. Example: “Get the heck out of my house. I can’t stand you coming by like this unannounced!” With aggressive communication, you will get your way, but your mom will feel attacked and resentful.
So, how should a Calm Mom communicate?
Always consider the other person’s feelings and needs while you are voicing your own feelings and needs. When the other person hears that you are taking their needs into account, you will likely succeed in getting your own needs met. Example: “Mom, thank you for coming to see the baby. I know you enjoy it and so does she. However, it would be really great if you could call first. That way, I can get everything ready so we can all enjoy the visit more.”
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