The thing that upsets new moms the most is hearing their baby cry. Crying makes moms worry that they are doing something wrong, or that the baby is unhappy, or that something is wrong with the baby. New moms are also embarrassed to admit that crying can be irritating, frustrating, and headache-inducing!

Thankfully, most of the time, babies can be soothed with the obvious: a clean diaper, some milk, a snuggle, a nap, and either reducing stimulation if babies seem overwhelmed or adding some amusements if the baby seems bored. But, sometimes, despite all your best efforts, the baby just cries and cries and cries.

The question moms ask is WHY? Well moms, think about crying from your baby’s point of view.

Babies cannot talk. Crying is their way of communicating.

Babies cannot turn on the light and read or go to watch Jay Leno if they are having trouble going to sleep. But, they can cry to tire themselves out.

Babies cannot do much of anything when they are born. But, boy, can they cry! Crying might make babies feel powerful, in control, or – here’s a shocking thought – might even be fun.

The bottom line is that:

Babies cry!

It’s okay!

The best thing to do when the baby is crying (and has had all of its immediate needs attended to) is to calm yourself, rather than trying to calm the baby.

Turn on some nice music. Read a book. Call a friend. Take a shower. Take the baby for a walk or a drive in the car. All of these activities will calm you down, and guess what – they often calm babies down too! Many babies love sitting in their bouncy seats on the floor of the warm, calm, bathroom when mom is shaving her legs for the first time in months (oh, how that belly can get in the way!).

When babies cry, or won’t nurse or take a bottle, or can’t get to sleep despite looking exhausted, Moms blame themselves. Instead, think about the baby.

For the past nine months, your baby has been cozy and warm. He has never had to wait for food. In fact, he’s never had to figure out how to eat food – it just arrives. He has not worn clothes. Since he’s been swimming around in your belly, he has never experienced the jarring feeling of a cold, wet diaper. With such little space these last few weeks, he has never even had to figure out how to stop his limbs from flailing. The light and sounds and smells and feels were more or less constant, calm and relaxing.

And then, welcome to the world little one!

How would you feel?

Yikes! Scary thought! The world is an overwhelming place to new babies. They need to learn how to deal with all this new stuff in their world.

So long as moms respond to baby’s basic needs, like feeding, changing, cuddling, and loving, a lot of crying is about the baby….not about our skills as moms. Remind yourself: “This is not about me. My baby is learning about the world right now, and boy, it’s a challenging place!”

When you look at baby behavior from their point of view, it takes the blame and guilt off you. Focusing less on blame and guilt allows you to focus more on the baby!