A new mom’s worst enemy is herself. Take a little time-out today and listen to your thoughts. Have you said something mean to yourself, such as:

“I am the worst mom.”
“If I was more organized, I would have been able to get the whole house cleaned up today.”
“I should be enjoying this more. I’ve wanted a baby my whole life.”
“Other moms seem to be managing this much better than I am”.

These kinds of thoughts are totally normal for new moms. Imagine if you just took up a new hobby, like running. In the first few months, running is more likely to be painful than enjoyable. You might often feel disappointed that you are not able to run as far as you would like, or as far as other people can. Well, raising a baby also involves learning new skills – tons of them. It is not surprising that new moms feel overwhelmed and as if they do not measure up.

Don’t take these nasty thoughts as fact. When you realize that you are being mean to yourself, ask, “Would I say this to my sister or my best friend?” If the answer is no, reconsider the thought. Talk to yourself in a respectful way, just the way you’d talk to your sister or best friend if she was having a hard day at home with a new baby.

Everything feels like an emergency with a new baby around. Run down to the kitchen to make a bottle. Rush through your shower because the baby is crying. Dash through the grocery store because the baby might need to eat.

Rushing around like a marathon-runner is going to get your heart racing and make you feel anything but calm. So,

Walk, Don’t run!

We know what you’re thinking: “But, the baby is starving!”

We are not talking about neglect here. We are talking about preparing a bottle in 5 minutes instead of two. We are talking about having a 10-minute shower instead of a two minute shower. And, we’re talking about taking the risk that your baby might begin to ferociously cry in a public place!

However, when you slow things down, two great things are happening.

First, the baby is learning a little bit about his world. He is learning that his caregivers are responsive to his needs – a bottle five minutes after he starts crying or two minutes after he starts crying is all the same to him. But, even more importantly, he is learning that he can do something to soothe himself when mom isn’t available, like nibbling on his fingers or grabbing for a toy. Helping a baby learn to self-soothe is an essential life tool, not a form of child neglect.

Second, when you slow everything down, you will undoubtedly feel calmer. And, guess what? Your baby will pick up on that. He will be calmer, and will also be learning to handle his own world in a calmer way.

Until you actually have a baby, you will not be able to figure out what those new moms are busy with each day! How hard could it be to be home with a baby who sleeps 18 hours a day? Gee!

Well, you’ll see.

New babies eat every 2-3 hours, 24 hours a day. Each feeding can take 30 minutes to 1 hour. In other words, the 8 hours a day you used to work, you will now be spent feeding your baby. If you are nursing, no one can help you with this job. Basically, feeding a new baby (be it by breast or bottle or both) is a full-time job.

What goes in, must come out. In other words, new babies poop a lot. You will be changing a lot of diapers. New baby pee and poop does not necessarily stay in diapers. And, babies spit up a lot. So, you will also be changing a lot of outfits. And, since babies are delicate and not terribly helpful, this will take time too.

Then, there is all that laundry. Yes, babies make a mess of their clothes, but they make a mess of yours too (Calm Mom Tip: put your favorite cashmere sweaters away for a few months!). You will be doing many loads of laundry a week with a new baby in the house.

You will also need to care for yourself. You will need to have a shower each day, take some effort to make yourself look presentable (trust me, this will help your state of mind a great deal) and you will need to eat and drink to keep yourself healthy. With those sleepless nights, some naps here and there are pretty important too.

There goes your day!

As you might have noticed, we have not figured in grocery shopping, fixing a nice dinner, cleaning the house, writing thank you notes, keeping up on emails and phone calls, and don’t even mention it….considering getting back into your career!

Believing that you are getting nothing done in a day is a starting point for many of the critical thoughts that moms have about themselves.

In order to survive as a new mom, it is essential to set reasonable goals each day.

This might mean setting one “non-baby care” goal a day. Clean one bathroom, write one thank you note, call one friend. Setting reasonable goals sets yourself up for success and helps you to be a Calm Mom.