Couples’ physical relationships often change after having a baby. And, this is okay. It is important to have reasonable expectations and know that this is likely to happen and is not necessarily a reflection of the strength of your relationship. As you begin to get more sleep, and feel calmer in your new role as parents, your physical relationship will likely begin to look like it did pre-baby. While it is important to accept that your physical relationship will change after baby makes three (for a while at least), this does not mean you should neglect it completely. You might just need to be creative. Too tired for romance at night? Try naptime! You get the idea…

Has your physical relationship taken a hit since your baby arrived? When baby is finally fast asleep, the first thing on the minds of new parents is often sleep, not sex! Furthermore, new moms often don’t feel like themselves after having a baby. Aches and pains, leaky breasts, and self-consciousness about that last bit of baby fat lurking in all the wrong places can certainly sap romantic feelings. One of the best ways you can keep the romance alive is by communicating.

When one or both members of a couple routinely say, “Not tonight, honey,” all sorts of incorrect assumptions can be made – “He doesn’t find me attractive anymore” or “She is giving all her love to the baby and has none left for me.” It is essential that new parents openly discuss how they are feeling about their physical relationship. This is the only way to ensure that misunderstandings don’t ensue. Similarly, if you and your spouse are feeling angry and resentful about day-to-day things, you are unlikely to feel affectionate toward one another. So, use your best communication skills to solve day-to-day problems….your love life will surely benefit.

There is no doubt that getting out for that one date each month is hard. Finding a babysitter who you can trust, who is available to come when you need them, and who you can afford is daunting. But, remember that you don’t need to leave the house to inject a bit of romance into your lives!  You can…. 

-Save some affection for each other: Don’t give all of your kisses, hugs, and coos of endearment to your baby – save a few for your spouse too! A warm hug can communicate a whole lot with no words at all. And, don’t try to use the “I don’t have the time” excuse. A hug or a kiss only takes 10 seconds, tops.

-Reserve time for just Mom and Dad: On at least one evening each week, have dinner with your spouse after your baby goes to bed. Light a candle, have something special to eat (rather than a half-eaten chicken finger from baby’s plate!), and listen to what one another has to say. Even if you are tired and frazzled and have brought a stack of work home from the office, keep in mind that staying connected in this way is the best gift you can give to your baby.