Calm Mom Tips
Caring For Babies
There are lots of resources out there
on baby behavior – how to get them to
sleep, how to soothe them when they are
crying, how to get them to eat, and so
on. But, what are Moms supposed to do at
stressful times like when the baby won’t
stop crying? Some of the Calm Mom’s tips
are:
When babies cry, or won’t nurse or
take a bottle, or can’t get to sleep
despite looking exhausted, Moms blame
themselves. Instead, think about the
baby.
For the past nine months, your baby
has been cozy and warm. He has never had
to wait for food. In fact, he’s never
had to figure out how to eat food – it
just arrives. He has not worn clothes.
Since he’s been swimming around in your
belly, he has never experienced the
jarring feeling of a cold, wet diaper.
With such little space these last few
weeks, he has never even had to figure
out how to stop his limbs from flailing.
The light and sounds and smells and
feels were more or less constant, calm
and relaxing.
And then, welcome to the world little
one!
How would you feel?
Yikes! Scary thought! The world is an
overwhelming place to new babies. They
need to learn how to deal with all this
new stuff in their world.
So long as moms respond to baby’s
basic needs, like feeding, changing,
cuddling, and loving, a lot of crying is
about the baby….not about our skills as
moms. Remind yourself: “This is not
about me. My baby is learning about the
world right now, and boy, it’s a
challenging place!”
When you look at baby behavior from
their point of view, it takes the blame
and guilt off you. Focusing less on
blame and guilt allows you to focus more
on the baby!
The thing that upsets new moms the
most is hearing their baby cry. Crying
makes moms worry that they are doing
something wrong, or that the baby is
unhappy, or that something is wrong with
the baby. New moms are also embarrassed
to admit that crying can be irritating,
frustrating, and headache-inducing!
Thankfully, most of the time, babies
can be soothed with the obvious: a clean
diaper, some milk, a snuggle, a nap, and
either reducing stimulation if babies
seem overwhelmed or adding some
amusements if the baby seems bored. But,
sometimes, despite all your best
efforts, the baby just cries and cries
and cries.
The question moms ask is WHY? Well
moms, think about crying from your
baby’s point of view.
Babies cannot talk. Crying is their
way of communicating.
Babies cannot turn on the light and
read or go to watch Jay Leno if they are
having trouble going to sleep. But, they
can cry to tire themselves out.
Babies cannot do much of anything
when they are born. But, boy, can they
cry! Crying might make babies feel
powerful, in control, or – here’s a
shocking thought – might even be fun.
The bottom line is that:
Babies cry!
It’s okay!
The best thing to do when the baby is
crying (and has had all of its immediate
needs attended to) is to calm yourself,
rather than trying to calm the baby.
Turn on some nice music. Read a book.
Call a friend. Take a shower. Take the
baby for a walk or a drive in the car.
All of these activities will calm you
down, and guess what – they often calm
babies down too! Many babies love
sitting in their bouncy seats on the
floor of the warm, calm, bathroom when
mom is shaving her legs for the first
time in months (oh, how that belly can
get in the way!).
New moms spend a lot of time worrying
about the health and well-being of their
babies. Some new moms go to great
lengths to never expose their babies to
germs. They demand that visitors de-germ
with antibacterial potions, spend months
at home to limit exposure in grocery
stores and baby music classes, and might
even avoid going out on their own for
fear of bringing germs home to the baby.
Here a few things to think about with
respect to germs.
While babies look terribly delicate
and fragile, they are actually amazingly
hardy creatures. The great majority of
babies are extremely healthy little
things.
Germs are everywhere. If you or your
spouse leave the house and encounter
other people, you are bringing germs
home. So, barring full house arrest for
all family members, your baby will be
exposed to germs.
Immune systems develop through
exposure to germs. While it is
heart-breaking to see a new baby sniffle
(and not be able to blow his little
nose) or throw up, being sick is part of
growing up. Pediatricians often say that
illness in the first year will result in
a hearty first-grader who never misses a
day of school. Oh, and by the way, a
sick 6-month old is much more pleasant
and much less demanding than a sick
first grader!
So, what’s a new mom to do?
We are not suggesting taking a brand
new baby to the infectious disease ward
of a hospital. We also think it is a
fine idea to not purposely expose your
baby to people who are currently sick
like a grandma with a terrible cold or a
little cousin with a stomach bug.
But, the mental health of moms (and
probably their babies, too) depends on
being able to get out of the house
(thereby risking exposure to germs). New
moms are happier when they get out and
do things, even if it is just getting
some groceries or picking up the dry
cleaning. New moms learn great things
from other new moms who they meet at the
park, support groups, and baby classes.
New moms need company and should take
friends and family members up on offers
to come over and help with the baby and
provide some adult interaction.
There is no doubt that all of these
“outings” involve exposure to germs.
There is no doubt that if you take your
baby out and about a lot, he is going to
get sick (medical fact: children average
between six and ten colds per year, more
if they are in daycare or school). But,
moms – listen up! The benefits to you of
leading an active life will undoubtedly
outweigh the costs of some pesky
sniffles for your baby. And remember, a
satisfied, calm mom typically ends up
with a satisfied, calm baby!
Many new moms worry too much about
how their babies are developing. They
constantly read books about baby
development to make sure their babies
are measuring up. Most importantly, they
compare their babies to other babies
(and not always same-age babies). Small
differences between your baby and the
others can cause a lot of stress.
Remember that baby development
happens within a normal range. There is
no single magic age for when a baby
should sit up, roll over, or start to
walk. Your baby will develop on his own
schedule.
Focus on your baby’s development, not
your baby’s development as compared to
other babies or books. Can your baby do
more things this month than last month?
If so, he is probably developing just
fine.
When you next find yourself comparing
your baby to others, ask yourself if the
differences….well, make a difference! By
the time all of our kids go to college,
they will be walking, talking, and using
the potty (without help!).
New moms will be calmer if they enjoy
each stage as it is happening, rather
than focusing on what should be coming
next. Every stage is exciting, precious,
and miraculous….so don’t let it pass you
by.
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