Calm Mom Tips
Caring For Mommies
Becoming a mom is the biggest
adjustment you will ever make in your
life. The moment your baby is born, you
take on a new role that you will keep
for the rest of your life. It would be
unrealistic to think that moms “know”
how to be moms the minute their babies
are placed in their arms. There are a
lot of changes involved and a lot to
learn. Some of the Calm Mom’s tips are:
Until you actually have a baby, you
will not be able to figure out what
those new moms are busy with each day!
How hard could it be to be home with a
baby who sleeps 18 hours a day? Gee!
Well, you’ll see.
New babies eat every 2-3 hours, 24
hours a day. Each feeding can take 30
minutes to 1 hour. In other words, the 8
hours a day you used to work, you will
now be spent feeding your baby. If you
are nursing, no one can help you with
this job. Basically, feeding a new baby
(be it by breast or bottle or both) is a
full-time job.
What goes in, must come out. In other
words, new babies poop a lot. You will
be changing a lot of diapers. New baby
pee and poop does not necessarily stay
in diapers. And, babies spit up a lot.
So, you will also be changing a lot of
outfits. And, since babies are delicate
and not terribly helpful, this will take
time too.
Then, there is all that laundry. Yes,
babies make a mess of their clothes, but
they make a mess of yours too (Calm Mom
Tip: put your favorite cashmere sweaters
away for a few months!). You will be
doing many loads of laundry a week with
a new baby in the house.
You will also need to care for
yourself. You will need to have a shower
each day, take some effort to make
yourself look presentable (trust me,
this will help your state of mind a
great deal) and you will need to eat and
drink to keep yourself healthy. With
those sleepless nights, some naps here
and there are pretty important too.
There goes your day!
As you might have noticed, we have
not figured in grocery shopping, fixing
a nice dinner, cleaning the house,
writing thank you notes, keeping up on
emails and phone calls, and don’t even
mention it….considering getting back
into your career!
Believing that you are getting
nothing done in a day is a starting
point for many of the critical thoughts
that moms have about themselves.
In order to survive as a new mom, it
is essential to set reasonable goals
each day.
This might mean setting one “non-baby
care” goal a day. Clean one bathroom,
write one thank you note, call one
friend. Setting reasonable goals sets
yourself up for success and helps you to
be a Calm Mom.
Everything feels like an emergency
with a new baby around. Run down to the
kitchen to make a bottle. Rush through
your shower because the baby is crying.
Dash through the grocery store because
the baby might need to eat.
Rushing around like a marathon-runner
is going to get your heart racing and
make you feel anything but calm. So,
Walk, Don’t run!
We know what you’re thinking: “But,
the baby is starving!”
We are not talking about neglect
here. We are talking about preparing a
bottle in 5 minutes instead of two. We
are talking about having a 10-minute
shower instead of a two minute shower.
And, we’re talking about taking the risk
that your baby might begin to
ferociously cry in a public place!
However, when you slow things down, two
great things are happening.
First, the baby is learning a little
bit about his world. He is learning that
his caregivers are responsive to his
needs – a bottle five minutes after he
starts crying or two minutes after he
starts crying is all the same to him.
But, even more importantly, he is
learning that he can do something to
soothe himself when mom isn’t available,
like nibbling on his fingers or grabbing
for a toy. Helping a baby learn to
self-soothe is an essential life tool,
not a form of child neglect.
Second, when you slow everything
down, you will undoubtedly feel calmer.
And, guess what? Your baby will pick up
on that. He will be calmer, and will
also be learning to handle his own world
in a calmer way.
A new mom’s worst enemy is herself.
Take a little time-out today and listen
to your thoughts. Have you said
something mean to yourself, such as:
“I am the worst mom.”
“If I was more organized, I would have
been able to get the whole house cleaned
up today.”
“I should be enjoying this more. I’ve
wanted a baby my whole life.”
“Other moms seem to be managing this
much better than I am”.
These kinds of thoughts are totally
normal for new moms. Imagine if you just
took up a new hobby, like running. In
the first few months, running is more
likely to be painful than enjoyable. You
might often feel disappointed that you
are not able to run as far as you would
like, or as far as other people can.
Well, raising a baby also involves
learning new skills – tons of them. It
is not surprising that new moms feel
overwhelmed and as if they do not
measure up.
Don’t take these nasty thoughts as
fact. When you realize that you are
being mean to yourself, ask, “Would I
say this to my sister or my best
friend?” If the answer is no, reconsider
the thought. Talk to yourself in a
respectful way, just the way you’d talk
to your sister or best friend if she was
having a hard day at home with a new
baby.
It is a cruel irony – just as your
body is trying to recover from nine
months of pregnancy and childbirth, you
are putting it through an even tougher
test – caring for a new baby!
New Moms – pay attention here! Taking
care of yourself is an extremely
important part of taking care of your
baby. Taking care of yourself is not
selfish, indulgent, or spoiled. It is
imperative. A sleep-deprived,
food-deprived, disastrous looking mom
simply cannot be a Calm Mom!
Here is
your essential prescription for becoming
a Calm Mom:
Get some sleep. Everyone says
to nap when the baby naps, and most new
moms don’t do this. They spend naptime
doing the laundry. Now, it might be
unreasonable to nap every time the baby
naps, but try to rest during at least
one nap. Some people don’t like to nap,
so for at least half an hour a day, do
something totally relaxing like watching
Oprah or reading a book. If you are more
well-rested (relatively-speaking!) and
relaxed, you will be a Calmer Mom.
Look nice. Nothing can make
you feel worse than walking around
believing you look like, well, you know!
Time is very limited for the new mom,
but trust us, it is worth spending a few
minutes on looking nice. This means
having a shower, every day. It is okay
to put the baby in her crib for ten
minutes, even if she’s crying. Or,
better yet, bring her into the bathroom
in her bouncy seat. The sound of the
water and the warm air is often very
soothing for babies. Don’t live in your
pajamas. Put on some nice clothes, THAT
FIT. This might mean buying a couple of
things that work between the time when
maternity clothes are too big and your
pre-baby clothes are too snug. Also,
take a few minutes to brush your hair
and put on a bit of make-up if you are
so inclined. If you feel attractive, you
will feel better able to face the day!
Eat well. Eating is a tricky
issue for new moms. Everyone wants to
take that baby weight off ASAP. But,
being a new mom burns up a lot of
energy, particularly if you are nursing.
This is no time to go on a strict,
extremely low calorie diet. It will make
you grumpy and irritable, something that
does not go along with being a Calm Mom.
The weight will come off; just give it
some time. The best way to eat well is
to eat all foods in moderation. Being
home, without much structure, can make
people nibble on junk throughout the
day. Try to eat healthy meals instead.
Eating healthy meals will cut down on
the urge to snack. Buy foods that will
be easy for you to prepare, like
pre-made salads, frozen entrees, etc.
Allow yourself moderate amounts of
treats (it is a stressful time, after
all!). And, be sure to drink plenty of
water especially if you are nursing.
Exercise. Exercising is great
for losing baby weight and improving
mood. But, many moms feel that they
don’t have the time or energy to
exercise. And, what do you do with the
baby when you are at the gym? There are
great ways to include your baby in
exercise – and as an added benefit, you
can meet other new moms. Check out
programs like BabyBoot Camp (see the
Resources page) and local mommy-baby
yoga classes.
Get out of the House. New moms
are often daunted by the prospect of
leaving the house. What if the baby is
exposed to germs? What do I pack in my
diaper bag? What if the baby cries in
public? Trust me, the benefits of
getting out outweigh the costs! A change
of scenery is often great for both new
moms and babies. Go for a walk, go to a
small supermarket and pick up some
groceries, go walk around the mall, go
visit your friends at your old job.
Getting out will make the day go faster,
will present you with opportunities to
meet other moms, and will help you to
see that life does go on after baby!
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