This past week, I was on vacation.  For once, I was thoroughly relaxed…nowhere to rush to in the morning, no stress of work, and not to brag, but my kids were angelic. 

My peace of mind was disturbed however, when I read an article in the New York Times, entitled, “Picture Books Languish as Parents Push Chapter Books”.  The gist of the article is that parents are no longer reading picture books to kindergarten-age kids, shifting instead to chapter books.  The article was highly critical of this trend.

Well, my daughter (who just turned 5) and I have been reading chapter books for the past half-year.  So, after reading this article, my stomach was churning with guilt.  Am I a terrible parent?  Am I pushing her?  Am I denying her picture books which might be better for her intellectual, creative, and maybe even moral development?

The Calm Mom.com is all about addressing negative thoughts like these.  So, I practiced what I preach.  I went back and re-read the article.  Was there a different way for me to think about the message that it conveyed? 

When I re-read it, I came to the conclusion that the article was critical of something very specific — parents pushing their kids to read at a higher level because they believe it is important to their future success.  One quotation in the article captured it all:  “I see children pick up picture books, and then the parents say, ‘You can do better than this, you can do more than this.’ It’s a terrible pressure parents are feeling — that somehow, I shouldn’t let my child have this picture book because she won’t get into Harvard.”

I re-framed my thinking.  I can’t remember how we started with our first chapter book, but I am quite sure that (a) I have never pushed them on my child; (b) I would never deny her the opportunity to read one of the hundred gorgeous picture books she still has on her shelf; or (c) that I ever even considered that chapter books at age 5 were her road to Harvard.

Here are my thoughts on chapter books:

-Chapter books encourage children to follow a story from day to day: Before my daughter and I start reading every night, we try to remember what happened in the chapter from the previous night.  Most nights, I either pretend to forget or genuinely do forget and my daughter LOVES to show off her superior memory.  I do think it is good for her cognitive development to keep track of a story from night to night.  Also, chapter books are teaching her the beauty of suspense in literature.  She is learning how cool it is to stop one night with some thread of the story unresolved, and jump back in the next night to find out what happened.  For me, suspense serves as a very good strategy for moving bedtime along (“the faster you do jammies and teeth, the faster we’ll get to see what Stuart Little is up to tonight!”) 

-Chapter books often have beautiful pictures too: The Times article points out that picture books are wonderful for children because, “from picture to picture, as the reader interacts with the book, their imagination is filling in the missing themes.”  I agree.  That is why I am always looking for chapter books with lovely pictures.  However, when we read a few pages without any pictures my daughter tells me about the picture she has created in her mind to match up with the story.  This is a super creative exercise too!

-It’s the reading that’s important, not the actual book: I could write a whole blog post about this statement — of course we should be reading quality books to our kids, that are age appropriate (i.e., yes, the actual book is important!).  But, here’s my point for today: We should all be reading to our kids every day.  Currently, my daughter is into chapter books.  So, I am reading her chapter books.  My sisters’ boys love hockey so she reads them books about hockey.  The most important thing is that kids are engaged with what they are reading and develop a life-long love of books.  So, read what they love!

So, fellow Calm Moms, I am done with the guilt on this one!  Later this week, I will post the titles of the chapter books my daughter and I have enjoyed recently.  When your kids are ready for them, I hope you will enjoy them too!

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Another bedtime problem concerns children getting out of bed a million times each night for potty visits, needing to tell mom or dad “one more thing,” or seeking comfort from some fear or worry (that you never heard about during the day, of course). My friend Jodi Mindell (see the Favorite Things page for her excellent books) suggests giving kids one “get out of bed free” card each night. With only one “out” they will really need to consider what they will use it for. You can then set your kids up on a reward system – they will get one point in the morning if they stuck to their one card the night before, and a bonus point (total two points) if they didn’t get out of bed at all. They can accumulate points for small rewards like stickers, a new coloring book, a container of bubbles, etc.

Brushing teeth is one of those funny things. Kids like to do it themselves, but gee, they just aren’t terribly good at it. So, let them take a stab on their own (with fun toothbrushes and paste, of course). Then, it is mommy or daddy’s turn, but make that part a fun game. We have had many versions of tooth-brushing games in our house. For a long time, we played “six tickles”. Our kids would open wide and we’d make “six tickles” over the various surfaces of their teeth. They thought that was pretty funny. Then, we evolved into “the A-choo game”. Child opens wide and says “Ahhhh….” for a couple of swipes and then everyone says, “Choo.” Laugh and repeat till all teeth are clean. Now, the kids are getting too smart for us. Our little guy requests the “choo choo” game which means that we are supposed to pretend his toothbrush is a train and sing “chug a chug a choo choo”. Our little girl wants us to do anything princess-related, which usually means singing the names of all the Disney princesses as we brush her pearly princess whites! We have never once had our children refuse to brush their teeth!

As I have written before, when nighttime comes, important brain function seems to cease for young children. It is simply impossible for young kids to follow the progression of events involved in the nighttime routine from start to finish without guidance from an adult. They get distracted and silly, and you will find them in daytime pants and a pajama top, doing something totally off-task, probably in some room they are not supposed to be in! The problem is that most families have more than one child, and most children these days are spaced quite close together. It is difficult to do bedtime (particularly when only one parents is present) if you have multiple kids that all go to bed at around the same time. For preschoolers, try making them a simple bedtime schedule. On a sheet of paper, print out pictures in order of what your child is supposed to do each night – jammies, teeth, story, potty, bed, for example. Give them a little sheet of stickers. As they complete each task, have them place a sticker next to the task. They will see this as a game, and relish the idea of filling up their sheet with stickers. Reward them for getting through their routine with relative efficiency. For example, if they are done all their tasks by the time you come into their room after putting a younger sibling to bed, read them an extra story.

Running errands can be very tricky with little kids. They get antsy and often end up wanting all sorts of things you are not willing to buy for them. We all dread the grocery store tantrum, don’t we? On the way to run errands, be clear about the rules. For example, “We are going to buy groceries today. You can pick ONE healthy treat to bring home.” Then, keep your child amused with games. Kids love crossing things off lists – give them a paper and pen and have them make a “list” and then cross items off (reading and writing are not required….made-up lists are fine!). Have kids help you choose items….if you need peppers, have them choose red, yellow, orange or green. And, with all but the breakables, hand kids items and allow them to toss them (gently) into the back of the cart. In the checkout line, have your little ones help you put the groceries on the belt, hand coupons to the cashier, or even press the “enter” button on the debit card machine. Anything to distract them from all those chocolate bars, right?

If you take your kids to daycare or preschool in the morning and have to get yourself to work, you know how difficult it is to get everyone out the door on time. One key to success is routine – doing the same thing, in the same order every day. For example, if you do not typically allow your kids to watch TV in the mornings, allowing it on some days is a recipe for disaster. Just try dragging them away from a really exciting episode of Dora when you have to get to work! In addition to sticking to routine, think of games to help get everyone out the door. During the summer, sing the “hokey pokey” when applying sunscreen (“you put your left arm in…,” apply sunscreen….move on to next body part!). During the winter, keep your child’s hats and gloves in a basket and give him or her the job of choosing which to wear each day (who cares if they match?). Kids love jobs and they love making decisions for themselves. And, when it is ultimately time to go to the car, have everyone get there by marching, galloping, skipping, hopping on one foot, or whatever way you can think of to make it fun!

Few people like to clean their houses, and we assume that kids must feel the same way. Because of this (and because of the fact that “toddler time” makes everything take so darn long), we tend to clean up after our kids. By the time we decide that it is “time” for them to be responsible for cleaning up their own messes, they are totally resistant to the idea. So, start young. Even two-year olds can clean up if the task is simple and manageable. Kids love singing, so either turn on some “clean-up music” or invent your own clean-up song (many kids who go to daycare or school will know one that they can teach to you!). Ask your child to choose one toy that they would like to clean up (increase the amount as they get older). Sing, dance, and be silly during the cleaning. Applaud when done. Repeat tomorrow.

We are pretty strict about washing hands and faces with a paper towel after meals. A problem, however, is that we apply this rule to young guests in our home as well. It is slightly embarrassing, but we really don’t want swipes of tomato sauce or chocolate brownies on our walls or couches. So, we’ve turned washing up into a game. Why just stop at hands and faces? Everyone knows it is important after a meal to wash an ear….and an elbow….and an eyebrow, right? Before we know it, everyone is cracking up (and spotlessly clean!).

I am endlessly fascinated by children’s clothing-related behaviors – and I don’t mean deciding whether to wear the red shirt or the blue shirt. On some mornings, my two-year old insists on keeping on his “yammies” (his pajamas); on other mornings (usually Sunday mornings when we have nowhere to go), he begs to get dressed. My daughter, who is four, can get dressed by herself in 2 minutes flat if something exciting is about to happen, but can take an hour to do the exact same thing at night once “failure of the frontal lobe” has set in (click here to read more on Caring for Kids). We do a few things to ease all the potential problems relating to getting dressed and undressed. First, we get dressed and undressed at the same time every day, and in the same place every day. Second, we play a getting dressed game. Ever since my second child was born, we have had a race to see who could get dressed faster, big sister or little brother. Strategy: Mom and Dad work really slow on little brother, allowing big sister to win each and every time. Now that little brother is beginning to care about winning, the competitiveness spurs them both on. If you have one child (or don’t want to spark competitiveness between your kids), you can set a kitchen timer and have him or her try to beat the timer. Kids love winning, even against a kitchen timer!