November
2007
A big source of stress for new moms
is breastfeeding. Initially, there is
the decision of whether or not to
breastfeed. Many new moms who do try to
breastfeed are faced with challenges and
need to decide whether or not to
proceed. Some new moms try breastfeeding
and despite it going fine, do not want
to proceed for one reason or another.
Then, there is the decision of whether
or not to supplement with formula. And,
how about when to wean? The list of
decisions goes on and on.
A major complication to all these
decisions is other people. Everyone from
your mother-in-law to your pediatrician
to the lady in line behind you at the
grocery store will ask about
breast-feeding and will have a (strong)
opinion to offer.
People try to tell you that your
decisions about breast-feeding are
directly related to your abilities as a
mom. This is simply NOT TRUE.
The Calm Mom’s advice? Ignore
everyone! Tune them out. Tell them it’s
a personal decision, and then do exactly
that – make a personal decision!
Here are some Calm Mom tips on doing
so:
Gather
information, but take it with a grain of
salt
There is no doubt that
breast-milk is best for babies. So, be
open to considering breast-feeding your
baby. Before you deliver, read up on
breast-feeding and go to an
informational class if one is available
at your local hospital. Remember though,
that breast-feeding advocates are often
very “spirited”. Take the information
they provide with a grain of salt.
Breast-milk is best, but countless
people were raised on formula, and
turned out just fine. In fact, you might
be one of them!
On a related note, don’t feel ashamed
of using formula. Formula is there for a
reason – to feed babies and help them to
thrive. Don’t let anyone tell you that
you are a failure as a mom because you
supplement with formula or because you
decide to use formula exclusively.
Again, take research on breast-feeding
with a grain of salt. Yes, breast-fed
babies have higher IQs than bottle-fed
babies. But, moms, listen to this – it
is a difference of two IQ points. As a
psychologist, The Calm Mom can tell you
that two IQ points will not determine
whether your child will be the next Bill
Gates.
Breast-feeding DOES NOT COME NATURALLY!
When your baby is born, he will be
plunked at your chest and both you and
he are expected to JUST KNOW what to do.
Guess what? He doesn’t have a clue and
neither do you. For many new moms, the
first few weeks involve a lot of tears –
and we are not talking about baby tears.
Breast-feeding is a skill that must be
learned. Get a lactation consultant
right away (see
TheCalmMom.com Resources
page for more information). And, give
yourself some time. You and your baby
both have a lot to learn about this
process and for most women, it does
become easier within the first few
weeks.
Don’t make
flash decisions
Even after that first night of your
baby’s life, there will be times when
you will want to quit breast-feeding –
on a particularly exhausting night when
no one can feed the baby but you; on
your first day back to work as you lug
your pump into your office and your
breasts leak during a meeting with your
(male) boss; when you develop a sore,
blazingly red breast from a blocked
duct. Ugh. Don’t decide to quit on one
of these bad days. Wait two weeks. Then,
re-evaluate. Things are often going much
better just a few days later.
On a similar note, if you are tempted
to give up breast-feeding, think of
reasons that might inspire you to
continue. Some moms like the cuddling
and closeness (trust me, these days are
numbered!). Some moms simply marvel that
their babies can thrive so well by
eating only milk that comes out of our
own bodies! Wow! Some moms (be honest
you moms out there!) are pleased to see
that breast-feeding burns a lot of
calories and might make it easier to
lose that post-baby weight. Some moms
like that they don’t have to spend their
precious free time mixing up formula and
washing bottles. Think about it. What
are the good things for you? Even if it
is a silly thing, it might keep you
motivated at times when breast-feeding
seems like the hardest thing you’ve ever
done.
If you are unable to come up with any
reason to continue, stop. Your baby will
sense your tension when you are nursing
and it will be unpleasant for both of
you. Remember, it is your decision.
Don’t let anyone (including yourself)
equate breast-feeding with your
abilities as a mom.
Meet other
nursing moms
Many hospitals and community centers
host breast-feeding support groups.
Sounds silly, huh? Wrong! I went to such
a group when my baby was just two weeks
old. I had some questions and figured
I’d go to the group once and speak to
the lactation consultant. Guess what
happened? I got my questions answered
…and met 10 women who are still my close
friends. We started out by just
congregating at the class on Thursday
afternoons. A few weeks later, we
started arranging weekly get-togethers
at one of our homes. We started
exchanging information about parenting
challenges and triumphs and best of all
– started to go out for girls’ nights to
get a break from all the
responsibilities at home. Right now, we
are on the second birthday party circuit
and many of us are breast-feeding again
as our second little ones arrive. The
Calm Mom can tell you this: we all stuck
with breast-feeding way longer than we
thought we would because of the support
of the lactation consultant who ran this
group, and perhaps even more so, because
of each other. By the way, some of the
women came to the support group once and
ended up not breast-feeding…but we
included them in our group anyway. Don’t
mom-bash by making other moms feel badly
about their own choices.
One advantage of being a behavioral
psychologist is that I know how to read
and understand research studies. Studies
about babies and parenting often make
the news. Great, right? Well, maybe not.
Stuff gets in the newspaper because it
is exciting and bold. However, what we
read on the front page might not map on
to what researchers really learned in
their studies. And, sadly, sensational
stories can influence the way we feel
about ourselves as moms. So, come back
to this page every month to read the
truth! A study is about to be published in
the Journal of Pediatrics entitled,
“Associations between media viewing and
language development in children under
age 2 years”. The study was carried out
by Frederick Zimmerman and his
colleagues in Washington State.
Here are some of the headlines I saw
in the media about this scientific
study:
"Genius" videos may hinder
baby development
Videos don't create baby Einsteins,
study shows
For those of us who have regularly
shown our babies TV or videos, headlines
like these can make our hearts skip a
beat. Let’s take a look at the actual
study and see what we can learn:
Was this a well-done study?
Yes, for the most part. The study
included over 1000 families, used a
well-respected measure to assess infant
language development, and carefully
categorized different kinds of TV and
video/DVD viewing in order to figure out
whether different kinds of viewing have
differential effects.
What were the major findings?
Only viewing of baby DVDs/videos was
found to be detrimental (e.g., Baby
Einstein, Brainy Baby). Watching baby
DVDs/videos was associated with poorer
scores on the measure of language
development. The greater amount of time
spent watching, the worse off kids were.
Whether or not parents watched baby
DVDs/videos with their babies made no
difference. The impairing effect held
whether parents were sitting with their
babies, or off in the kitchen making
dinner! Viewing other kinds of TV or
DVDs/videos was found to have no effect.
For example, children’s educational
shows (e.g., Sesame Street) were not
associated with poorer scores on the
measure of language development.
However, these shows were also not
associated with improved scores on the
measure of language development.
What are the caveats? If you have
shown your children these videos, should
you be concerned? Should you stop
showing them?
The detrimental effect of baby
DVDs/videos only showed up for children
age 8-16 months. Among children age
17-24 months, the detrimental effect was
no longer evident. Again, the study did
not show that these videos helped kids
in this age range, but they did not seem
to cause harm.
Each hour of viewing of baby
DVDs/videos corresponded to a child
having 6-8 fewer words than his peers
who did not watch baby DVDs/videos. The
data collected in the study could not
establish whether this difference was
actually predictive of future language
development or intelligence more
broadly. What Did the Media Miss?
Reading to a baby once a day, as
compared to less frequently, was
associated with higher scores on the
language development scale. This finding
held for children age 8-16 months, and
for children 17-24 months.
According to the article, baby
DVDs/videos are based on no formal
research. In contrast, children’s
educational shows are based on
exhaustive research. The article notes
that “several high quality educational
television shows, including Blue’s
Clues, Sesame Street, Barney, and
others, have proven educational value
when viewed appropriately by children
age 2-1/2 to 5 years.” What’s the
take-home message?
Try your best to limit TV for infants
two and younger (as recommended by the
American Academy of Pediatrics). If
you choose to expose children under 2 to
TV, educational shows (in small doses)
might be a better bet than baby
DVDs/videos. While there is no evidence
that educational shows enrich language
development for children of this age, at
least there is also no evidence that
they impair language development.
Remember to read to your kids at
least once a day. Doing so will enrich
your child’s language development.
Although not assessed by this study,
talking directly to your child (even
well before he or she can talk back!) is
also thought to be very important to
infant language development.
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