The Calm Mom Hot Topic:
A big topic in the news these days is
the economy. Between house foreclosures
and the price of gasoline, it seems that
Americans are being squeezed in every
way possible. The state of the economy
is particularly relevant to new moms.
Many women leave the work force for at
least some time during their first year
of motherhood. This leaves many families
making do with one income when they were
accustomed to having two. Furthermore, a
new baby is associated with numerous
expenses from childcare to baby
furniture to toys and clothes. Being a
new mom is associated with a lot of
stress, and the last thing moms needs is
to have the added stress of their
finances. So, here are some Calm Mom
tips for managing money:
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Don’t fall for commercialism:
A lot of expenses associated
with a baby are unavoidable needs
– diapers, formula, and childcare,
for example. But, new moms can also
fall into the trap of buying all
sorts of stuff that feel like
needs but are actually wants.
Any time you hear yourself say, “I
need this because it will make my
baby smarter” or “I need this
because it will make my baby look
cuter” or “I need this because
everyone else has it,” take a step
back and ask yourself some
questions:
“Is this really a NEED or is
it a WANT?” If it’s a WANT, ask
yourself:
“But, could we manage
without this?”
Taking that extra minute to
question and consider will save you
a lot of money. For a great read
on commercialism and parenting, pick
up a copy of
Parenting, Inc.
by Pamela Paul.
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Write down all of your
expenses for one month: Ladies,
let me warn you, this exercise will
shock you! As an example, keep track
for a month of how much you spend on
coffee. If you go to a fancy coffee
shop every day “for a treat,” that
could add up to $120 per month. This
is not to say that you should become
an aesthete and forgo all treats!
New moms need pampering. But, if
money is tight, consider your best
way to spend. You could make a
switch and begin buying coffee at
your local convenience store. Or,
you could make coffee at home and
spend your $120 on ten hours of
babysitting. If you find that you
are spending hundreds of dollars a
month on children’s clothing,
consider switching to a lesser
priced store or only shopping during
sales (tip to new moms – virtually
all children’s clothes go on
sale, often quite soon after they
first come into stores). Put the
savings into a college account for
your kids.
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Be Your Own Behavior
Therapist: Figure out your traps
for spending money and change your
behavior so that you can’t act on
temptation. Let me share a personal
example – I love a particular
children’s clothing store that is
not inexpensive. If I walk in that
store, or open an email from the
company, I almost invariably buy
something for my kids. I just can’t
resist. So now, I only visit the
store during their super sales or on
the very rare occasion when I need
something extra-special for the kids
to wear. If you fall prey to the
endless catalogs that land in your
mailbox, toss them before reading.
If those daily emails promising
sales and free shipping get you,
unsubscribe. And, if it’s the mall
that gets you, either don’t go or
leave your credit cards at home.
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Figure out free ways to have
fun: It can be lonely, and
sometimes even dull to be home with
a new baby 24/7. Getting out and
keeping busy keeps most new moms
sane. However, all the baby classes
and lunches out with friends can
really add up. So, consider ways to
have fun without spending money.
Instead of lunch out, pack a picnic
and meet up with friends and their
babies at a park or on a local
college campus. Instead of a pricey
baby class, establish your own
weekly playgroup with fellow new
moms (rotate from home to home each
week). Find out what day of the week
you can attend your local museums
for free. Check out story time at
your local library. If you have
great ideas of free ways to have fun
with your baby and other new moms,
please write to the
Calm Mom!
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Get on the same page as your
spouse about spending: Does this
sound familiar to you?
- Since I stopped working,
I have to ask my husband for
money for the first time ever.
It makes me feel totally
uncomfortable.
- Don’t tell anyone, but I
pay cash for a lot of stuff so
that my husband won’t know what
I am spending money on or how
much things cost.
- My husband freaked out
when we were reviewing our bills
this month and saw how much I
spend on cosmetics. That was
always my little indulgence and
now I feel like I have to
justify the cost to him.
- My husband is a saver.
He wants to put every cent into
college accounts for our babies.
But, I like to buy stuff. I want
them to have nice clothes and
eat organic foods. He just
doesn’t get it.
As is clear from these quotes
from new moms just like you, money
can become a real mine-field for new
parents. It is a huge adjustment for
women to go from being a fellow
wage-earner, to being a stay-at-home
mom completely reliant on dad’s
income. The key to survival is
good communication. Set aside
time each month to discuss financial
issues (e.g., when baby is asleep,
Blackberries are turned off, etc.).
Discuss expenses, brainstorm ways to
save money, and decide
collaboratively on long-term
financial goals. Be willing to
listen to one another and meet in
the middle if your approach to
finances is different.
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